Those Advice from My Father Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."